If I had my druthers, I proclaim
I'd sit out near an open flame.
I'd drink of something cold and brewed
and hear of stories old and new.

I'd sit myself in a comfy chair,
and breathe in deep the nighttime air.
the stars above in multitude
with forest sounds create the mood.

Good friends surround, we'd laugh and joke
as sparks drift to the sky in smoke.
I'd glance across the roaring fire
and in your eyes see my desire.

Honor bound, you'd turn your head
feigning interest in something said.
Bound as well, I'd look away
the memory saved for another day.

I'd keep it hidden on a shelf
and bring it down when I'm by myself.
Alone, I'd savor that secret glance.
Right now I'd watch the fire dance.

hours stretch, the party ends.
It's time to say goodbye to friends.
The hugs begin my stomach churns.
Anxious I'd await my turn.

you'd turn and take me in your arms
careful not to raise alarms.
we'd hug and whisper our goodbyes
saying much more with our eyes.

we'd part and go our seperate ways
burdened with the choices made.
Back to our lives we'd both pretend
not to covet the spouse of friends.

We'd settle for our stolen glances
take advantage of the chances
to sit out near an open fire
and not act out on hearts desires.

Love, love. Thou hast forsaken me.
Inspired not I wilt and wither.
Life's breath expelled, I am gasping.
Negativity seeps through me and I quiver.

Dawn, dawn. when shalt thou awaken me?
Sleeping trance I walk within.
Dreams have since ended.
I lie in endless slumber.

Sun, sun. Oh! To feel your warmth.
Fingers upon my face caress.
Trickle heat and light my fire.
Stoke the embers hidden deep.

Cry, cry! Shout the heavens!
Listen voices speaking clearly.
Ousted secrets, hidden fears.
Tears no more than cleansing potions.

Stand, stand! Slowly, surely.
Shackles no more grasping tightly.
Shafts of sunlight penetrating.
Darkness breaking in the distance.

MY sons

Your life began some years ago
I counted fingers, counted toes
I gazed into your face so small
and fell in love, at once enthralled.

First days and nights became a blur
for sleepless nights I had no cure
Exhausted,yes, but one sweet smile
rendered all the slumber missed worth while.

First words and steps, you've kept me going.
time passes quickly, no signs of slowing
first days of school, your lunch box packed
the years keep flying no turning back.

Too soon you start to break the rules
Holding hands is no longer cool
Friends become your number one
Family time? Never fun.

So proud to see you grow and change
Not one moment would I rearrange
Before I know it you'll be grown
Off to start your life alone

Yet still I miss those nights forgotten
when you'd wake crying, your jammies sodden
and all you needed was Mommy's arms
to feel all better and safe from harm.

Those days are gone, the memories treasured.
My joy in you cannot be measured.
This train we're on, it keeps on churning
The pages of your life keep turning.

Someday you'll fall in love and wed
a new avenue in life you'll tread.
Remember this, through past years spent,
You are my life's accomplishment.

My baby boy I tell you this
Although the early years I miss
I wouldn't trade a day of strife
To not have had you in my life.

Brother mine I called you friend.
I'm saddened by your sudden end.
Life's grip has lost, you've slipped away.
No tomorrows past today.
Crazed with grief my anger rises
I question faith and all It's guises.
It hurts, this feeling in my chest.
It crowds my thoughts, allows no rest.
Moments shared and pictures taken
I stare at now completely shaken.
Taken now, forever gone.
Your presence lingers ever strong.
I'll miss you, sir, my love I send,
Brother mine I called you friend.

One look at you and I'm 18 again.
One conversation and I lose my train of thought.
One touch and I start to question life decisions.
I am forever haunted by the memory of you.
I am always excited by my thoughts of you.
Your ability to unravel my resolve never weakens.
Your charming allure is never ending.
Your place within me never forgotten.
These words are written but never spoken.